


I Missed Your Skin

by heartshapedglasses



Series: One Shots [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/M, M/M, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:46:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5049142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartshapedglasses/pseuds/heartshapedglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or Five Times Ryan meets Sarah (And the one time they talk about Brendon)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Missed Your Skin

The first time Ryan meets Sarah, they don't really meet. It may just be him because he doesn't really count finding a person underneath your boyfriend -naked, in his and Brendon's bed for fuck's sake- meeting. Whatever. It's happened before, just with different people.

The second time they meet, Ryan's broken off things with Brendon and it's tearing him apart more than being with the boy actually was. He's thinking of leaving the band. It's all just getting too much. Everything and everyone is against him and his one and only ally might be Jon. He goes to Brendon's apartment because he left one of his guitar picks there. He does not expect her to be there.

She's in the kitchen making breakfast in a shirt he's seen Brendon wearing a thousand times, looking at him with a slightly confused and alarmed look. Her eyes are blue, is the first thing he notices. A pretty bright blue and Ryan manages to get his guitar pick from the kitchen counter and leave before Brendon wakes up and Sarah even speaks.

The third time they meet is right after he officially leaves the band. He doesn't know how he feels, really. He thought he was supposed to feel freedom or relief and instead he feels like he's making a mistake -Doesn't stop him though. He's Ryan Ross.  _Mistakes_ are what he's made of.- The temporary peace he and Brendon had managed to make was broken, because the band was the only thing keeping them united in some way. Brendon's ignoring him more than he was before and Spencer's just pissed off. Jon is right in the middle of the situation,  and Ryan doesn't find it fair how nobody's pissed at him.

He's at Spencer's house, and he doesn't expect Brendon and Sarah to arrive shortly after he does. Brendon leaves quickly and Sarah just looks at him sadly, like he's  _disappointed_ her. Like she expected more from him. "I think you're making a mistake." Is all she says while Spencer goes after Brendon to his car -Damage control has always been his expertise- and her voice is pretty and it's silk and it hits him all of a sudden that Brendon's replaced him with her. Definitely an upgrade in his opinion, though he things anything's better for Brendon than him. 

"Why?" He's gotten good at pretending to be indifferent about the whole thing. 

"I don't think either of you can handle being without each other." Is all she says before Spencer comes in and announces the fact that Brendon's waiting in the car, he's not coming inside, they're leaving now and Spencer mutters that he'll see them tomorrow.

The fourth time he meets Sarah, he doesn't really see her in person. He sees wedding pictures and posts and congratulations all over his timeline on twitter and facebook. That night he can't help but stay up, scrolling through the pictures, a half-empty bottle of whiskey in his hand and the one remaining thought of  _That should be me._

The fifth time they  _actually_ meet, complete with introductions and greetings because Brendon invited him and Dan over for dinner -They've started talking again. As friends. Nothing less and nothing more.- and Ryan understands why Brendon ultimately chose her instead of him. She smiles widely and she's beautiful and he feels this sort of dull ache because he knows she's all Brendon wanted. What he could never be. Sarah and Dan are talking in the kitchen, he and Brendon are in the living room. "This was a mistake." He says.

"What do you mean? She likes you." He makes a gesture with his hand towards Dan who's smiling slightly and nodding at something Sarah's saying. "And they get along great, what's the problem?"

The problem is that, that's when it hits him that what he and Brendon had was just a boy playing around and another boy falling in love. "I just-" He glances at Sarah and Dan. "I see why you love her." He makes an excuse and he and Dan leave shortly after.

The sixth time, it's a few weeks after dinner. Sarah comes to him. He's just waking up, about to fix some breakfast when the doorbell rings and he's about to kill Dan because the motherfucker  _just_ left. "May i come in?" She asks and Ryan's too surprised to do nothing but nod. 

"How did you get my address?" He asks when she's sitting on the couch and he's sitting on a chair across from her. He doesn't remember telling Brendon or Zack about the location of his apartment.

"Spencer."

"Oh." Nice to know he's been purposely ignoring him. Real nice. 

"Look, i'm sorry if it bothers you that i'm here. But i wanted to talk to you." She says. "About Brendon." 

There's a moment of silence before she speaks again. "You two haven't seen each other in a long time. I thought, that so much time apart would be enough for Brendon to get over you and you to get over him. When he and i began seeing each other, i didn't  _know_ about you and him, you have to understand that. I only thought about it after you left because of me-"

"It wasn't because of you." Ryan interrupts, even though he gets the feeling he shouldn't. "We were young and stupid. He wasn't ready for commitment and i wanted more than what he could give. We just didn't work."

Sarah nods slightly. "Look, whatever happened between you and him...I love him so much, you know? And i think that when you left, he realized he fucked up and he thought it was too late and so did you and i get it. I understand that. I know he's tried hard to love me. But he just can't love me _that_ way. And he's always-" She breaks off suddenly and it's only then that Ryan notices the tears slowly running down her face. "He's always counted on me to save him, and when he realized i couldn't, he decided to be content and comfortable instead of truly happy. He loves you, Ryan. And i know you still love him too."

"What do you want from me?" He asks after Sarah stops crying.

She stands up. "I love him. I just want him to be happy. And the only way that'll happen is with you. And i'm okay with that, i think." She says, a sad smile on her face.

Ryan can't help but believe her.


End file.
